Thursday, 21 May 2015

Battles

I have always been a confidante, or as my colleague Nathalie calls it - a 'bosom buddy'. People can tell me things, share their stories and issues. I advise - well try to - and I try my best to listen and offer suggestions. On my drive home from work yesterday I was listening to Radio1: The Surgery and the guest speaker mentioned this quote.



It really struck a chord with me. The things I see and hear can really take me aback. I never cease to not be surprised at peoples battles and torment. The truth is we never fully know what it is going on in peoples lives. Before I had my breakdown in 2013 I was completely ignorant of peoples conflicts, whether mentally or emotionally, I had no clue. It was not until I struggled to hide my negative thoughts, emotional outbursts and difficulty in trying to be (dare I say it) normal. That I appreciated when people were kind and sensitive towards me. They may never have understood the core of my issues but they were kind enough not to ask tricky questions. They allowed me to live and work in neutral and if I wanted to put on a bravado for a day I was never told not to.

We live in an era where looks can be so deceiving. A melting heart (and brain) can be so well hidden beneath the jokes and smiles. As a generation we can be so superficial and fail to even scratch the surface of a persons reality. So what do we do? We conceal our battles even more because is it really worth letting people in? We spend so much of our time looking for problems and issues that we fail to communicate and ask about them.

Most of the time I feel like I am fighting a battle. And it's not even a battle I expect or want to win. It's a battle of depression that I have shared a fair few times with people. But do you know what's worse? Since going through all of this I am still so shocked (and I still don't know why!) that people judge you because they see you the way they look at you. I will never forget when I had just started my therapy and I received an email from a friend I used to hang out with quite a lot. She had heard about what I had been going through and was reaching out to see if I was ok, rather sweet of her right?

Maybe.

I will never forget in her email that she told that I had to change the way I am and how I was thinking. She said that I may have been going through 'some things' but it was 'no excuse' to think or act the way I do. I want to repeat here that this woman was my friend and despite opening up to her she really had no clue. She was not being kind. I am not an angel and I am pretty certain that some of my actions or words at times can be less than pleasing. But we all live in a world that seems to be designed to where people want us to live the lives they do.

I mean it's actually an achievement to be yourself.

So it's true. We should be kind because everyone we come into contact with is fighting a battle we have know idea about. Today I had the pleasure of working (and hopefully teaching) a guy my age for two hours. He has been through many battles, and still is. After he had left I couldn't help but be reminded of the above quote again. But there is something I really want him to know and actually this goes for everyone.

You may be fighting many secret and hidden battles. But thank you for being really, completely, absolutely who you are.


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1 comment:

Callie Nicole said...

Love this, Rebecca, great reminder.

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