Thursday, 3 July 2014

The Ex Story

All break ups suck. They're heartbreaking and I genuinely would not wish the feelings on my worst enemy. However, it's true what they say - things do get easier and over time you learn to appreciate what you had with the person rather than what you lost.

It's coming up to a year since I had my breakdown and over the last few weeks I have been thinking about the heartbreak I had over a relationship breakdown at the time. It doesn't matter if you're 17 or 70. Break ups are tough but I do believe they mould you. When we are younger we have this image of who we want to fall in love with, what we want, need and resent. Yet, when it comes to having a relationship with someone it is so much more different than you imagined - in good and bad ways. This may seem like a strange post but I want to go over my significant relationships and how they have changed my perspective as I have grown.

When I was 17 I met Oli. He lived in Spain and I lived in England. We met whilst I was on holiday over there and it wasn't a holiday romance either. Oli and I got on really well! I'll always remember the day we met chatting for ages on a rubber boat in the pool. It is still to this day one of the best conversations I have had with anyone. A few days later Oli told me he liked me and I was touched but we lived in different countries - it was never going to work. However, over the next year Oli and I stayed in contact and struck up a really good friendship. I started opening up to him and found that I could not stop thinking about him. We admitted our feelings for each other and started a relationship, albeit parts of it was long distance. It was tough at the time but for a year we stuck it out and had the best time. Even though we did break up, we still remained friends. To many that's strange isn't it? To remain friends with an ex. But I think what helped was that Oli and I were friends first. Our whole relationship was formed on the basis of a friendship and I think that is so crucial.

Looking back I realised that I needed someone who was a strong communicator and Oli was so good at that. But there were times I needed Oli here with me and vice versa. Ultimately distance was our enemy but I am so thankful we were able to move past the heartache and go back to our foundation - friendship. He's an amazing friend and I am so glad he is part of my life.

When I was 19 I met Brad. I was a student nurse and he worked in theatres on one of my placements. I was smitten with him from the word go. I'll never forget how he gave his number to my mentor because he was too nervous to give it to me. Brad was very passionate and a lot of fun!!! I realised straight away that life would never be boring with him in it. We were together for a year and that year was full of spontaneity and excitement. However, Brad was not a communicator! I refuse to compare boyfriends as it isn't fair but I always felt like I was calling, texting or arranging meet ups. It started to get a little irritating and the effort certainly wasn't 50/50. I soon found myself resenting him rather than loving him and the excitement soon fizzled out. We had no common ground to build from and it became too much of an effort to keep the spark alive. This was a tough break up!!! I was in the middle of my nursing degree and my grades certainly took a battering. Life seemed less colourful with Brad not in it but I soon realised that I could still have that with a future boyfriend.

A few months later I met Andy. We knew each other from school so it was good to have that common link between us. He was great at talking and our conversations were always flowing. I really liked him and he was a real manly/rugged man. I found that so attractive! Sadly after a few months Andy broke up with me. It was a really crap time! Nursing school was full on, I still wasn't over Brad and a guy broke up with me. it sucked! Yet, I realised in order to be in a relationship I needed to be emotionally ready - which I wasn't. I just felt lonely and threw myself into things that were going well.

A few years ago I met Simon. He was a complete surprise because I never expected to meet anyone like him. He was romantic, complimentary, listened and just loved so passionately! I felt like the luckiest girl in the world and I still feel lucky to have been with him. It was almost like I had everything I wanted in a man and we had the best few years together. We went on holidays, great day trips, organised surprises for each other and I could be honest with him too. He was the first man that I thought about marrying and settling down with. As much as I loved it I did find it too intense. There were times where I felt a little suffocated because we were both so passionate and giving everything 100% that we didn't take time to smell the roses. It was very full on! Sadly, it was also the time my mental illness started to take fold. I decided to be selfish and end the relationship. I can hands down say it was one of the toughest things I have ever done - to walk away from love.

Now I am better and receiving treatment I started to feel like I could get back in the dating game. A few months ago I started dating and even though some of them were rubbish it was good to get out there and meet people. In April I met a guy called Jack but I decided to not share him immediately. I wanted to get to know him and also I was a little unsure if I wanted to be in a relationship. I met him at a time my mum was having her cancer scare, my gran was very ill and I was about to go on holiday. My heart wasn't really in it to think about having a relationship with someone. However, once my mum was given the all clear, gran was not suffering and I returned from my travels. Jack was still there wanting to date me. He's fun, attractive, manly, great to talk to and we share the same interests like travel and music. He's really refreshing to have around and I hope it continues to work out between us. I can't help but grin when I talk about him.

It's funny how different relationships make you realise what you want and don't need. I remember in my teens how I wanted a prince charming and now I really don't haha! I guess it works like that in all our relationships with people. The more we grow the more we realise. Anyone feel like that?


Barefoot blogger said...

Congrats on your new relationship. Hope you're enjoying the 'newness' of it and continue to learn about yourself along the journey. X.

Barefoot blogger said...

Congrats on your new relationship. Hope you're enjoying the 'newness' of it and continue to learn about yourself along the journey. X.

Robin said...

I hope the new relationship goes well! My husband was my first real boyfriend, but I was hurt by a couple of bad rejections and deceptions before I met him.

I don't believe that you always have to be friends first - my husband and I just started dating, and were engaged in less than two months (been married for four years now). Everyone is different, I guess.

You don't stop wanting a prince charming, you just learn what type of man your prince should be. :)

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