Friday, 6 June 2014

Nothing but an angel

So much has been happening around here lately that my head really is in a spin. I went on holiday (pictures will come soon) and I moved house (I'll do a video on that!). However, this post also comes with a heavy heart amidst the excitement of sharing holiday memories and house buying.

My wonderful Gran - Dorothy - left this world on the 30th May at the age of 83. She had not been well for a few months since contracting pneumonia. She just struggled to get back to how she originally was and slowly deteriorated. Before I went away I said my 'goodbyes' as I really did not think she would make it. But she defied all odds and she did. I was able to tell her all about Canada/USA and that when she was home I would show her the photos. Sadly that evening she went into a coma and we got 'the call' we had all been dreading.

I'll never forget that night of the 29th May 2014. It would have been her and my Grandad's 60th wedding anniversary. As I held her hand to warm it up (she always felt the cold so easily) I just remember thinking 'it's okay to go. Go celebrate with him, please.' I hate to see people suffering and decided there and then this was my goodbye. I wanted to remember her comfortably and with the memory of holding her hands. At 0130 that morning I said goodbye and she slipped away exactly 12 hours later with my mum and aunties by her side.

I miss her.

I have no grandparents left and she is the only one I have only ever grown up with. So amongst all the paintbrushes and uploading of holiday pictures my heart feels very sad. I really detest grief. As much as it is good to cry and to talk, it just hits you at the most awkward times. Just the other day I saw her handwriting in a card and I couldn't help but think 'I'll never get a card from her again.' It's always the little things you miss.

I could write about her for days. But I will share with you that she was wonderful. I hate writing about her in past tense as without her existing I wouldn't even be here. She was a great person and the world doesn't feel right without her in it somehow. I am so unbelievably lucky to have had her apart of my life for 25 years. It's being without her that I'll never get used to.

14/09/1930 - 30/05/2014


Laura Anne said...

A huge hug to you Becca. I remember so many times where you've spoken so fondly of your grandmother, and of how she is part of the story of how you ended up being named Rebecca.

I believe that the people we love so much and have an impact on our lives never really leave us - because what they've taught us and encouraged us in is a legacy that lives on through us. That's just my opinion though :)

Much love to you friend, you have my phone number if you ever want to dial it to talk and be listened to...

Mary said...

You are extremely lucky to have had her in your life! 3 of my grandparents passed before I was born, and the other lived 1000 miles from me, so I didn't know her.
I had tears in my eyes reading this. I can't imagine how you feel, but you know she's dancing with your g'father!

Barefoot blogger said...

Thinking of you, Sweetpea. Know that the legacy of your beautiful, strong grandmother is still walking around in the form of her beautiful strong grandaughter, and always will be.

Grief is a journey. It's you journey, and a deeply personal one, but you have people who love you and care about you and will walk it alongside you, at your pace, for the parts that you need or want them to. So, I'm seconding Laurie's offer - call me anytime you want to. Much love.

Amanda said...

Oh friend, my heart goes out to you. What a sweet tribute to your grandma.

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