Monday, 16 December 2013

Some words save you

The other day I talked about some of things not to say to someone, like me, who is feeling depressed. Like I said it is never because you're trying to intentionally upset them. In fact, you're doing quite the opposite when the wrong thing comes out. When you find out that someone close to you has low mood and anxiety it is easy to think of ways to make them happy again. You want to "fix" them and that's understandable! Below is a list of some of the most helpful words people said to me - and I cannot thank enough.

1) "What you're going through is horrid"

This may sound silly and some other people may not agree with me. But I found this helpful simply because it speaks the truth. One of my best friends said this and it was good to just have someone say to me exactly what I was feeling. What I went through was crap! Utter hell and it was good to have people say this instead of other mumbo jumbo.

2) "When all this is over, I'll still be here and so will you"

My Mum said this to me and I love her so much for it. When she said it I kept asking her "but when will it be over?" and even though she couldn't put a time frame on it - who can? It was good to know that she believed I would ride the storm and come through the other end. Belief is such an important thing!

3) "You're not alone in this"

Depression alienates you. It makes you think that the world doesn't care and goes on without you. It completely isolates you from normal living. So it is SO SO SO vital you say these words over and over. I remember in the beginning when I told some people about what I was going through. They all said they were 'here for me' but saying those words and acting them out is entirely different. One of my friends said she was 'here for me' but I never heard from her until weeks later to check in on me. But my best friend was over that evening with chocolate watching me cry into my tissues. See the difference?

4) "You don't need to say anything"

When I was at my sisters hen do I was having a low day. Nicola's best friend has been through something very similar and I felt like I could open up to her. She was a massive blessing that day! She said those words to me and I felt like a weight had lifted. When someone has depression they often feel like they have to justify their low moods and sadness. 'I am sad because….' was an everyday sentence for me. The thing is Carly was right - I don't need to say anything!!! Sometimes just having a dam good cry was all I needed or a good nights sleep. In a lot of cases actions speak much louder than words.

5) "I'm not going anywhere"

I think this speaks for itself.

6) "I don't understand what your are going through but I want to"

It is so easy to shut people out. I know I did on several occasions and the reason being is because people didn't understand. The thing is we want people to be mind readers to what we are going through but we're human at the end of the day. By telling someone you want to 'get it' and showing your compassion to their ordeal means they will open up. As soon as people told me they wanted to understand what I was feeling, I opened up to them a lot more easily.


I am still riding the storm but due to other people's words/advice and compassion I am still smiling.

I can only hope that this helps someone out there struggling.

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