I'm not sure even burnt out is even the word. I really don't know where this year is going at the moment and over the last few weeks I have had something tugging at my heart strings.
I'm sick of my job.
I knew when entering this profession that it involved shift work, which I happen to quite like. I knew that part of the job specification was to do night duty too. But I have noticed since January that my regular 5-6 shifts of night duty per rota has gone up to approx 10-12. It's to the point that I do more nights than day shifts!
A few of my friends like night duty but I really do not. It is slower paced, still busy but in a different way, less patient care and more annoyingly I don't get to enhance my clinical skills as much....because my patients are asleep! It has got to the point now I really feel like my skills are suffering a little, and mixed in with the fact I don't like nights very much, I dread work now.
What I think really made me realise I'd like to move jobs is the other day I had come off nights and flipped back into day shifts (I adjust to the flipping quite well). The day shifts are BUSY and quite often manic which I used to thrive off! But when you're used to the pace of nights going into day shifts is a huge adjustment for me....and I panicked, had a little cry and genuinely thought "I can't do this any more."
I have spoken to my manager but due to us being so short staffed they have very few senior nurses to take charge on nights....so nothing will be changing any time soon with my rota.
Therefore, I feel the only way is out. I think it would be really nice for a change of scenery. I have been at my hospital 5 years now with 3 years of training and 2 years qualified. I think that's long enough?!
I have found a couple of jobs I really would like to go for but I have the hard task of breaking the news to my lovely manager that I want to leave.
It really breaks my heart as I LOVE the people I work with but I feel like I go to work sometimes with this "I can't be bothered" attitude which is not fair on the team or my patients.
I think it's a time for change.
I'm just so scared trying to make the leap.