Saturday, 31 December 2011

Reflecting on 2011

I think I am in the same boat as many who think this but WHERE has 2011 gone? It has flown by and now on the eve of 2012 I am about to reflect on this speedy year. Even though this year has passed by scarily quick it does seem only fitting to make my last post of 2011 about the year itself. I have based my reflective questions on the ones posed by Simple Mom in her blog!

1) What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
Personally for me it was going to New York. I had wanted to go there since I was little so it really was a dream come true. It made my 2011 complete!

2) What was the single most challenging thing that has happened?
I'd have to say work. 2011 was my first full year being a nurse and as much as I love it I have never been so frustrated and upset at times too! The NHS is a HUGE sector and I have had to care for some not so nice people and work alongside some right "idiots" too! Having the challenge of accepting that's what it will be like at times can be hard, especially as I am such a perfectionist!

3) What was an unexpected joy this year?
Most definitely my sister and her fiancĂ©e annoucning they're expecting my future niece/nephew next April! The whole family are still beyond thrilled and excited.

4) Pick 3 words to describe 2011.
Unexpected, adventurous and impulsive!

5) What were the most entertaining things you have seen/done this year?
Where do I start? Meeting Alf from Home and Away twice. Visiting Edinburgh and finally being able to climb Arthur's Seat (and meet Laura Anne!). Seeing the delights of Rome, Italy. I loved seeing Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Wicked, The Wizard of Oz & Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Having fish nibble at my feet in a day spa. Being on the radio for the first time! Hosting my first blog series. Pretending to hate Zumba but secretly loving it. Shall I stop now?

6) With whom were your most valuable relationships?
Probably with these guys. Tambra, Andy, Danny, James, Neale and Jay! There are times I could have killed them this year but we really are like glue and will always stick together. My relationship with my Mum also got stronger. I have never relied on her so much to look out for me this past year. She is one very special person!

7) What was the biggest single time waster of your life this year?
I don't think I have ever cried so much in 2011! So many tears wasted on people that don't matter now, on some mean patients that didn't care that I cared for them so much, on arguments that didn't need to happen. I could go on and on but I won't...the tears just weren't worth it!

8) What are you most proud of doing this past year?
I'd have to say graduation was such a highlight. All that hard work for 3 years and being recognised for it by getting my degree. I loved it and was very proud!

9) What was the most enjoyable aspect of this year for you?
When I think of 2011 NYC is high up there but I have to say the first thing I think of was the summer holiday I took with Tam and the lads to Spain! I really enjoyed every moment (even the Neale nearly getting arrested part). We still laugh about what went down during the 10 days in June and I really enjoy that!

10) How did you spend Christmas 2011?
I spent Christmas Eve with the family at home. Nicola, Robbie and bump came over for a take away and we watched Christmas films. I hadn't seen Nicola since NYC and she is certainly more pregnant! On Christmas day I worked an early shift and was able to finish at 2pm. I know a lot of people hate working Christmastime but I don't mind it at all. After all my patients didn't get to go home and I did. It certainly was something I was grateful for! Then I headed home for a Christmas meal with Mum, Dad, Rach, Phil, Gran, Aunty Lucy and Uncle Paul. We played board games and generally had a lot of fun!

11) What did you do in 2011 that you hadn't done before?
I was a lot more impulsive. I booked holidays I could have only ever dreamt of going on which has made 2012 a year to very much look forward to! Oh and I turned 22 years old =]

12) Finally your plans for 2012, what are you most looking forward to?
So so so much! I am most looking forward to being an Aunty in April!!! I am excited for Barcelona next month, California in March and going to Australia in November eekk!!!! I'm excited for London to host the 2012 summer Olympics too. Plus, after Australia I plan to start saving for my own place (but that can wait to 2013, see I am getting ahead of myself already!) As much as I enjoyed 2011, I cannot wait for 2012 to start. 

I have never been a fan of new years resolutions but there is something quite therapeutic about a new year dawning and having a fresh new calendar page to set upon. In whatever way 2011 has turned out for you I really hope it has been a good one. Also, if you like feel free to use these questions to reflect on 2011 before the turn of the clock tonight

See you in 2012 everyone!

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Monday, 19 December 2011


This is a pride thing for me but I hate to fail. I'd find it weird if someone actually did like failing. But this week I felt like a failure.

I had to do a maths exam this week in order to progress with the responsibility of being in charge. Those baby steps I talked about with my manager are still happening...and this test was one of them. I am meds trained and as a nurse I can give drugs to people. However, my hospital have brought out this extra maths test for nurses in charge. Maths and I fall out BIG time! It was the subject I despised at school and I really struggle with the point of hyperventilating tears over the darn maths language (because that's what it is to me, it might as well be Chinese writing!)

I took the test and I failed. I found out today I failed by one mark. One flipping measly point!

I was beside myself on Thursday after the exam. I just knew I had done badly even though I revised and practised and practised. But I still failed. I just could not shake it off. I know I can re-sit it. I know that I can pass and I know where I went wrong but I felt like a failure. I have never failed an exam in my life and I guess it is a pride thing. I know I should get over myself!

I failed at something to do with my career and I felt awful. A nurse that can't add up or convert without the help of others. A nurse who sees mls and mg as another language. I felt like I didn't deserve my role any more. As exaggerated as that sounds I really did!

To say the weekend was quite depressing was an understatement. I felt miserable and anything someone would say to cheer me up I would not allow it to make me feel better. One of my good cyber friends sent me a link to a video which said "to never fail = you haven't lived" and it's so true! I have failed in other things (i.e. took me 3 times to pass my driving test haha) but because this was directly linked with a job I am insanely proud to be doing. It really hurt!

It wasn't until yesterday when I went into town and I saw a man looking really puffed out and more blue than he should look for winter! I told him to sit down and he told me he was having a bad angina attack. He had his medication with him but everyone was panicking that he was having a coronary! Trust me, he wasn't but he was carrying his necessary meds and I helped him take it, then he felt better and carried on Christmas shopping! He didn't know I was nurse and the last thing he said was "we need more caring people like you in the world" and it was then I realised. 

I don't need to be an Einstein at Maths to be a good nurse. It would help but it doesn't and shouldn't affect the care one receives. 

Whatever you aren't so good at, please remember this. Failure doesn't define what you do or who you are. Maths can go do one in my book! But I'm going to get through it, just not right now. So whether your not good at art, driving, seeing friends as well as you should do or just rubbish at remembering the time of day. To fail = means your living and your human! It just took a million tears to realise it :)

Oh and who likes my family Christmas tree? Decorating it certainly cheered me up!

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

#24Christmas guest post.

One of my favourite parts of blogging is guest posting! It's such a great way to "meet" other bloggers and learn things too. My good pal Laura Anne is doing a blog series about Christmas and what it means to us. The posts so far have been really interesting and I encourage you during this festive season to hop on over and have a peek/read. Today my post is making an appearance...and I'll start with a little snippet.

"When I was 11 years old I helped out with my school nativity play. I was about to start secondary school the following year and they don't "do" the nativity tradition. I loved helping out with the nativity props, script and seeing all the adorable children wanting to wear tea towels for hats so they could take part. It made Christmas more festive and I miss it terribly...."

To read to rest of this post on nativity head on over here and read the rest. I hope you like it! It's trending as #24christmas on twitter!

Monday, 12 December 2011

Doing something different

This weekend just gone was one of the best I have had in a while, and this makes me very happy! :)

The guys and I were celebrating Danny turning 23 and he decided he wanted to go Go-Karting. I, initially, was so up for going. I have only ever been once and that was in Spain, in glorious sunshine and with 3 other people on the track. This time I was going to be the only girl with 5 VERY competitive guys and another team of lads from a bachelor party. Was I nervous? Very! 

I had no reason to be though as it was really good fun. I didn't race it like Mario but I did enjoy it so much! I came in last place but I didn't crash, get helmet hair or get bumped too much! Go-Karting isn't something you get to do everyday so it was nice to do something different!!!

James, Jay, Chris, Andy, Danny and myself.

Happy Birthday Danny!!! 

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Best Marriage Proposal Ever!

On my night shift the other day it got to 2am and a rare thing happened. Marian and I were SO bored. All the patients were asleep, stable and we actually were sat twiddling our thumbs. We had a cleaning list to do but we found You Tube instead. We were watching/ listening to videos quietly and we came across some funky marriage proposals that were just amazing! These girls that are proposed to are seriously the luckiest girls ever. 

The first one was Marian's favourite. I just LOVE the dancing! I'd seriously keep pinching myself to wake up if it happened to me. Have a peek (you need to spare 14 mins though!)

This was my favourite one. I am a true romantic at heart and this was head over heels to the moon and back romantic!!! 

Crazy huh? Whoever proposes to me have a lot of work cut out now I know that these videos exist haha! Which one do you like? Or share ones you have seen!

Monday, 5 December 2011

A mix of everything.

I have been fairly quiet on the blogging front for a couple of weeks. I pre-planned the last couple of posts which I hardly do unless I am away on holiday.

The main reason is because I was feeling (to put it bluntly) like crap. I went through a period for about a week where as soon as I went to bed I would cry, proper crocodile tears. I had no idea why but I just felt really sad and alone.

The weird crying soon stopped and all of a sudden I was just angry...all the time. I was angry at my friends, family and even my patients. I didn't want to nurse them one bit, in fact I didn't want to be at work full stop!!!

Things really heated up last weekend when I had a massive argument with my brother and sister. It was over something trivial but it was the last straw. So I moved out for a couple of days to get away from it all. I luckily had a couple of days off from work and a great friend who talked things through with me. I needed to work out why I was so darn miserable!

Once I started talking the understanding soon arrived and I came to realise some things that I hope at least some of you can relate to.

  • Three of my friends are moving, to other countries. My work pal Marian is off to New Zealand to nurse out there, my close friend Andy is off to Australia for a year and my old school mate Tom is going to Canada for good. They all leave in January within 4 days between them going. It is only now that I realise how little time I have left with them and just how MUCH I am going to miss their company. It just really really sucks! The part that hurts the most is they really don't realise how much they mean to me and with 7 weeks til they leave I have only just realised myself :(
  • Work has been TOUGH! The longer I am qualified the more responsibility I get in terms of managing the ward and staff etc, which I don't like. I find it very gratifying that I am trusted to be in such a position but I am also just a year qualified and only 22! It's scary and there are days where I dread going to work because I don't want to be put in charge of 26 patients and 7 members of staff. I don't do delegation (my friends would tell you differently haha!)
  • There has been a lot of angst in my closest group of friends. I won't go into the details because it's unfair on them but it just feels like we're drifting apart. I feel like I have to make so much more effort for the group to remain together to the point I give up. It should not have to be this hard!
  • Finally, one of my dreams has been to work in a third world country and take part in a nursing programme for a couple of weeks. Unicef approached my hospital and wanted to know if anyone was interested. Was I interested? YES!!! Can I afford 2k+spending to go? No! It sucks how money has such an influence on things :(
It feels better just typing it out on my blog and to just vent it out. When I get upset I regress. I don't like opening up to people. I'm a good listener for others but I never want to burden people with my issues. However, things have gotten better!

I went back home Friday and we all apologised so things are better on the home front. I talked to my manager about my insecurities and we agreed to build me up slowly. I have no choice I have to learn to take charge of my ward but I will in baby steps. My friends are still going away :( - but I feel more happy for them than sad for me. The guys and I are going Go-Karting this weekend, it will be awesome to see them!!! And the Unicef programme can wait and even if it doesn't happen that's okay.

I think I've realised that I can't cram everything I want to do in life right this second, which before the meltdown seemed possible! Is anyone else like that? I always take on TOO much and I'm too young to be doing it. "Just bloody well enjoy yourself girl!" is what I keep saying to myself right now. I need to learn how lucky I am to have friends to miss, to have a job I do really enjoy and that I have a family to argue with sometimes. And friends who send me these surprises to cheer me up...(thanks Neil!)

So yeah that's what's been happening in a but shell. I am MUCH happier right now and I have so much to look for ward to in the lead up to Christmas in 20 DAYS!!! Please tell me you've had your moments too and make me feel a little sane right now?

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