Monday, 1 February 2010

Standards.

Whilst I was at placement today I got chatting to another Nurse about life choices. We got onto the topic of marriage and meeting men. She asked me what I look for in a male, I explained, and her reply was 'you have far too high standards young lady and that is unfair'.


I could not help but feel really insulted. I could have just slapped gently nudged her for calling me 'young lady' in the tone she said it in. However, I could not help but feel really offended by her comment. Simply because I do not feel I have 'too high standards' as she put.



I think it is fair to say that with all your partners or a potential someone that you look for a person who makes you laugh, makes you feel good and is appreciative. There is a longer list there out. I said the 'gist' of that to her but I also said this.


1) I want the person I meet to not smoke - My Dad smoked 20 cigarettes a day until he had a huge Lung Cancer scare in 2003. It was awful. He went cold turkey immediately and has not smoked since. Therefore, I do not want to be with someone who I see as putting their life in danger like my Dad did.


2) To be taller than me - I do not see this as asking for much. I am 5"5 so most people are taller than me anyway! I just feel more protected with taller people :)


3) To have ambition/following through with their life goal - The Nurse misinterpreted this as being educated with a degree. NO! I just want the guy I meet to be happy with their job or career, whatever that may be. My ex boyfriend hated his job and always moaned about it. It was the first thing he would say on the phone to me and most probably the last. It just got me down and really complacent with him. So after we broke up I realised I needed to be with someone who is satisfied (not asking for jumping for joy), just content with where they are heading in life. Whether that is on the shop floor or transplanting hearts. I do not care.


I did say that in short hand to her and maybe since writing that it can be interpreted as having too high standards/being too picky.


But we all have standards right?  How can that be unfair?


Let me know what you think.

17 comments:

Janet said...

I think you HAVE to set high standards. And it's worth waiting for someone who makes you happy! I certainly don't think you need compromise because you're told you standards are high! Aim high young lady and you will find Mr Right - I have just seen it happen with my SIL!
:)

Alex(andra) said...

Man... I think I would have slapped her. I'm with Janet... you have to set high standards! Never settle. Never compromise. If you're going to be spending the rest of your life with a person, there is no reason for you to have to do any of that. =)

Shannon said...

I don't think those are too high of standards! Smoking is gross. Plain and simple. Plus, I'm with you - the guy has to be taller. It bothers me if he's not! Thank goodness my husband is taller!

Plus, the whole educated or happy with his career choice thing is totally okay too. I had an ex boyfriend who complained all the time about his job and how much he hated it, and how he couldn't go to school because of this, that, and the other. It infuriated me! I didn't come from a wealthy family and yet I still worked my tail off to get into and pay for school - so he had no excuses!

So, I say, your standards are perfectly fine. If we didn't have standards, then who's to say we wouldn't marry every bum on the street?

Stephanie RN BSN (to be!) said...

I think standards keep you from settling. So many women settle because they think they can't do any better...good for you for setting standards.

As someone who has quite a few standards of my own, I know how you feel. I want my man to be going somewhere in life because I know what I want and having someone who has goals/ambitions fits my lifestyle. Also, I don't feel like I am too picky; I just know what I want...I have a feeling you know too!!!

Keep your head up high because your prince charming is out there somewhere :)

Amanda said...

I think your standards are fabulous. I share a lot of them. Take the smoking one, for example. It's a huge financial drain and, more importantly, potentially LETHAL. I don't want to be with someone who is knowingly puffing their way closer to death every day. And if you've had the scare of almost losing someone you love (I've been there too, hon...) it's a completely valid concern.

I mean, there's a limit - you're not saying he has to have blue eyes and this and that and inventing a person who doesn't exist. But making sure you're with someone who matches your priorities is important :)

I do what I want! said...

It's a must to have standards otherwise you won't be happy.

Here is a song for that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1zzAFTvbeE

and remember...don't settle for anything less than everything :-)

Mere said...

Oh darling...we HAVE to have standards in this society these days...it's totally okay. It's sad that Nurse doesn't :( You'll find him...one day soon hopefully

Love, Mere

Langley said...

We have the exact same birthday :)

And I am only two out of the three. I smoke.

Callie Nicole said...

I totally disagree - it's good to have high standards. That's how you catch the really good ones - if you don't have high standards then you won't hold out for the best person for you - without standards you'll just settle for anyone! No, standards are a good thing, and the things you listed don't seem too picky to me - my list included yours and a few other things I wanted too - I held out for someone who would meet all my boyfriend requirements, and I found him! They are out there, my Dear - don't let her discourage you. :-) You might have to wait a little longer, but it's worth the wait.

AmyK said...

The lower your standards the easier it is to get a guy, right? Right. But the lower your standards, the easier it is to get the WRONG guy.

I kept my standards high--super, incredibly, sky-high to the point where I never had a boyfriend until the One came along. I had a standard, in fact, that I wouldn't kiss until my wedding, after I had said "I do" and committed the rest of my life to one person. I refused to even date someone that wouldn't comply, and by refusing such I knew I wasn't going to get the wrong guy.

And I got everything I ever wanted in a guy--and so very much more.

The higher your standards, the better, in my opinion. I'd have wanted to slap her, too.

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Candy Hart said...

Don't you listen to that wicked lady!! You have to have standards and believe me yours dont sound to high to me!!!

Have faith sister, hes out there and looking for you to!!

Tarver said...

There is nothing wrong with that! I mean I want a guy whos taller than me...and I'm 5'10", I really don't think any of this is too much to ask for.

Suki said...

We all have standards and I don't think that yours are too high. They are just perfect and I think some women ask for a whole lot more.

Juliana said...

I always say unless it is mad passionate love it is not worth it. Set your standards high girl! I am your newest follower and you have one of my favorite blogs out there. I hope youwill come by and follow back as well-juliana from a blonde walks into a blog

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Jordan Leigh said...

I am a huge fan of high standards. After many horrible breakups after a few long term relationships, I learned EXACTLY what I wanted out of a man! I had many first dates and knew right then and there I couldnt date them. Lol, Ive said time and time again that my standards were too high, but deep down, I knew if I didnt have "that guy" I wouldnt be happy. After years and years of doubting my standards, they led me to my perfect man! Never settle for less than what you want!

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