Thursday, 28 May 2009

it's worth credits a thousands words.

I saw this on Allie's blog and just fell in love with the idea of doing it. It is fun, therapeutic and helped me re-live so many fond memories again. Have a go or if not head over to her blog and read her beautiful love story :-).


01. A picture of you in your bedroom.



02. A picture with someone you don't actually like.

It's not that I dislike I just didn't know him at all well and havent seen him since!


03. A picture of you very drunk.

04. A picture of you on your birthday or favourite holiday.




05. The youngest photo of yourself you can find in digital format.



06. A picture in one of your favourite outfits.

I went to a rainbow party and dressed in my favourite colour :-)



07. A picture of yourself making a goofy face at the camera.



08. A picture you might have edited to make yourself look more attractive.



09. A picture of a night you regret.



10. A picture of you truly being yourself.



11. A most recent picture of you.


12. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous!



13. A picture showing off a new hair cut/colour.



14. A picture of a time in your life that is over but you wish it wasn't.


15. A picture of a time in your life that is over and your thankful that it is.

I just hung around with people that liked to party hard constantly.



16. A picture of when you were anything but happy.

I look happy in the picture but I know that night I ended up in an upsetting argument that kind of ruined the holiday.




17. A picture that you had no idea was being taken.



18. A picture of when you were a different person to how you are now.



19. A picture with someone you love.




20. A picture of how you want the world to see you.



21. A picture that describes how you want everyday to be.

Just as me :-)



22. A picture of a time when everthing was changing.

I had just started nursing school and the Spice Girls were back! Girl power!



23. A picture that makes your heart hurt.

24. A picture that makes your heart smile.


25. A picture from one of the best days/nights of your life.

Hope you have a flutter at doing this.
xoxoxox.

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Healthy?

One of the things I struggle with daily at the moment is to eat more healthily but I just find it so hard. The main reason why is because I give into temptation too easily. I think we are all guilty of that. Nursing school does not help either, here comes the excuses. When I am on campus I have the Starbucks tempting me with their sandwiches and muffins and when I am on placement I do a mix of early and late shifts which cause my eating patterns to play havoc. Therefore, I am hungry at the most ridiculous times!


I was explaining this to my Mum last night and this morning I found this in the fridge for me just before I started my late shift at the hospital.

Fruit and a chocolate bar for later :-)


It tasted really nice as well. I think my biggest vice is anything sweet like chocolate. Although, I have to admit that I love drinking water and I am a vegetable junkie - I love them all, apart from mushrooms yuk! However, when it comes to fruit, fruit juices and other icky foods like nuts and seeds (eugh!) I steer well and truly clear. I do not have a problem with my weight and I am relatively happy in my own skin but I know if I let chocolate, take-out and cider overcome me then I will have a problem!


Guess I have to start learning somewhere along the lines, right?! I find it funny because nearly everyone says to me 'your training to be a nurse so surely you would eat healthily?!' and I laugh because yes I am training to be a nurse but not a nutritionist or dietician lol. I was chatting to my friend last night and she said her biggest vice is the TV. She loves her soaps, reality telly and game shows lol and she says she needs to 'get out more'. no comment.

So, what is your daily vice that you know is wrong in a way but sometimes you just cannot help yourself?!


Sunday, 24 May 2009

turning a frown upside down.

When I was a little girl my grandad used to tell me all the time that life is for filling with fairytales. He just forgot to tell me before he passed away that not all of them have happy endings.

I'll be honest until yesterday evening I was feeling fine. I have been telling people that even though it is sad to go through a break up, that my exams coming up should be okay and that I will get through my next nursing placement, even though I have heard the people are horrid! I have told everyone I will be okay. I wish I had been honest....

...because yesterday my aunty, as kind hearted as she is, decided to bring it all up in the middle of my sisters birthday party and what do I do? I cried. I bawled like the pain was just as real as it was a couple of weeks ago. Then my little sister, the birthday girl, came up to me and was so angry that I took the attention off her for the day. In fact she said...

'Your such a cry baby. Just the one day you decide to let it all flood out of you happens to be the day of my birthday party. It's inconvenient. Now everyone is asking how you are, giving you hugs and asking what your're up to to make you feel better. It isn't that bad to have just one day about me. Your having no birthday cake!'

She was right though. Of all the days, even though I would like to blame my aunty for bringing it up I should have just held it strong. For the sake of my sister's birthday milestone...now what is she going to remember from her 18th? Her big sister cried at the table...yet again.

I'm just so sorry Rachael. It was never my intention. I am just so sick to death of feeling sorry for myself. I have been out with my friends, kept myself busy, cried when I have wanted to cry and laughed when something is really funny. I don't expect this CRAP to go away with ease. I know it will take time and over time things will just get better...blah blah blah! I am just so ANGRY, FRUSTRATED and darn right DEPRESSED that this is happening!!! I NEVER asked for this!

As I type this now with just tears flooding everywhere. I am just begging and pleading with anyone that will listen. Yesterday, I was looking through old photos and I came across these two that just made me....unbearable.

I would love my life to be simple as it was back then like taking a photo.


I would give anything to have the innocense in my face in this picture of just knowing everything is going to be okay.

You know that type of ache and pain where you open your mouth and scrunch your eyes for the tears and shriek to exit your body. I was urging just anything to travel out in the hope to feel better. I quickly realised, pain doesn't do that does it?!

Pain sits like the Elephant in the room with you and won't go away until time heals it. It sounds so pathetic to say but the more I grow up the more I realise there are no such things as fairytales. I remember when people would say that to me and I would just say 'Actually they do, your just being a pessimist' lol. So naive I was. I am still.

Last night I said to my friend that 'fairytales just don't happen' and she replied 'they do to the lucky ones and not everyone gets lucky Becca.'

I sipped my wine and laughed because she was right and the only thing I could say to her in the midst of feeling like everything is out of control.

'Guess I'll just have to make my own luck then?'



Friday, 22 May 2009

Happy Birthday Spratters!

Today.
This cute faced, angellic and curly haired baby.

Turns into a make up loving, annoyingly slim and very intelligent girl whom is...


Celebrating turning 18 years old today!

And believe me don't all my family and her friends know it because she has been counting down since Christmas! Today Rachael is celebrating a birthday milestone with lots of presents and we are all going for a big family meal. On top of that she is going to get her first tattoo, much to my Mum's dissatisfaction but what can she do? She is, after all, legally allowed to now. Rachael is also a massive fan of Michael Jackson and she was suprised with tickets to see his farewell London tour next winter.

I can describe Rachael a.k.a Spratters in one very simple sentence. She is the complete opposite to me! She is very opinionated and doesn't care if she upsets people with her notions. She is very verbal - you just never ever get into an argument with her as your head will be bitten off! She is very intelligent. She is very mysterious and never lets on what is going on in her head. She is one of them girls who doesn't need to revise or study because the high grades just come easily to her. She is very picky on what she wears, smells like, eats, drinks and who she befriends. However, the only enviable difference I wish we could share is that she is very care-free and relaxed about her life. She adores her friends, she lives very much in the present and enjoys what she does now. She barely ever worries (unless she can't find her hair straigteners or there is no hot water!) and she just accepts that life is for living in the moment. I find that so endearing about her!

As much as there are times when I would want kill her, I would kill to have her here in my life always. The more us sisters grow up the more we get on and talk about things. Today is her day and I know she will revel in all the attention she is recieving but most of all I am so excited for her. Due to the fact that she is so enigmatic and secretive I really have no idea what life choices she will take on or what her next motive is because in Rachael land she isn't even past this weekend lol. In a way she still reminds me of when she was younger and every week she flipped which career she wanted to do from teacher to a food critic or youth worker etc. I really like that and as cringy as it is to say I love her 80% of the time.

Happy Birthday Sis!
Have a brilliant day and enjoy yourself immensely.
xoxoxox

Sunday, 17 May 2009

T.L.C is on its Way!

I am not usually a spontaneous person but today I woke up and saw it piddling with rain - again! So I thought that's it, I am booking a summer holiday. I called a couple of my friends and set the ball in motion.

From 24 August - 01 September it will be Turkey 2009.

I will be relaxing, reading and swimming on this beach in Turkey.

By nightfall I will be drinking cocktails, eating food and relaxing with two great friends by the pool at this amazing hotel!

I just cannot wait!

The day after I come back I begin my final and hardest year of Nursing school until I qualify :) Bring on the T.L.C, it could not come any sooner!

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Nursing School: The Answers V-Log.

Heya Guys.

Hopefully, you remember when I did the following post. It was about asking for your questions/help for a v-log for prospective nursing school students at my university. Well...I did make it and it turned out great! I really enjoyed making it! However, once I submitted it to my faculty they mixed it in within a load of other videos and information for the students. Therefore, I was credited yay! Just the catch is I cannot post the video to my blog because I would be breaching confidentiality laws and would need informed consent from the other participants. I was so annoyed - I said way too many French words lets put it that way!

However, I have made a much more condensed version to answer (although I dont know if 8 minutes is condensed lol) some of the main questions you asked. I couldn't answer them all but I have had quite a few emails from followers or just passers by asking about nursing school so I hope it helps in some way. Otherwise if nursing isn't your thing admire my clothes that are strewn all over my floor in the backgound. I hate putting laundry away once its been washed! :)

Let me know what you think.

xoxoxox

Saturday, 9 May 2009

Chasing Pavements.

I have wanted to post to you guys all week but everytime I tried to begin I just literally could not find the words within myself to convey exactly the truth.

All I can say is this. It hurts, it really really hurts. It sucks. This really really sucks. Over the past few days my bed sheets have been drenched in tears numerous times. My Mum's shoulders have never been used so much to help protect me. The corner of my room to hide in has never looked so appealing and my head is throbbing from the amount of times I think over and over again. Why did this have to happen because I was so happy for such a long time?

I have asked everyone this who has been prepared to sit with me for hours just bawling and hiccupping my words out. Yet, to be honest I just did not want to know the answer because it will never bring the relationship back.

As I write this I have been overwhelmed from all you fantastic people who left a message, twittered, emailed, texted and even rang me :) Amidst all the crap I have felt so humbled to know that even though I have not met you - your're here and that makes me smile :)

One of my friends was consoling me this week and because I was just so upset and hated being on my own she recommended I find something to relate to. Just something that spoke to me like others faith does for them :) At the time I just thought she was barmy because all I wanted was a hug with no words spoken. Sometimes just silence can show the feelings within someone's soul without the need for formed sentences to convey the hopelessness. I left it at that...until yesterday.

As I was driving home yesterday this song came on by 'Adele' called 'Chasing Pavements'. I will be honest I am not a fan of her and at first found this dull when it came out last summer. Then when the chorus came alive these words really spoke to me.

'Should I give up? Or should I just keep on chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?"

Just then I found my answer. I was happy with Brad. I was moving along a very exciting avenue with him in my life but sometimes we just meet those cross roads and we have to deviate down other paths. Life is all about chasing the dream and the wisdom to find happiness and security but there is no point following it if it leads us to nowhere. I think that is the hardest thing I am grappling with at present because I just want to stop the tears and constant ache. At the moment the only thing to me that will alleviate it is if we had not broken up. Yet, I am also very wrong in believing that because it doesn't set me on an encouraging pathway.

I love Brad and a part of my heart will always stay with him but I refuse to hang on for any glimmer of hope because I may just be setting myself to fall further. All week the main sentence I have said to everyone is 'I just want to be happy.' I think everyone of us can relate to that but it is true. I just want to be happy and that whatever happens will be.

Thank you so much for being so lovely. I mean that whole-heartedly. You have really picked me up with your kinds words and for being so caring. This is a tough thing to go through, I know people have it tougher but it doesnt make it any easier.

In the words of Gloria Gaynor - I will survive.

Monday, 4 May 2009

Heartbroken.

Heya Guys,

I just wanted to let you know I will be taking a blogging break for a little bit. My long term boyfriend and I broke up today, mutually. I cannot stop crying and to be honest we are just both devastated that it happened. I have always firmly believed that if you love something or someone you can get over the hills and see a brighter side. Brad and I feel we will be better as friends and as painful as it is to type I am at peace with that.

It is hard having to accept that I have to 'get over' someone I am still in love with. Thank you for all your support, your're amazing! I better get back to my tissues.

'See' you soon x.

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