Heya guys :)
After I pressed publish on my last post I could not help but feel that I was saying too much. I know this is a blog but I kind of felt that maybe I put myself out there too much. I typed that post in a moment of desperation to just let it spill out. I had already voiced it all to my Mum and some of my friends...but I just had to keep repeating it. In just the hope that the tears and wretched confusion would just dissapear. I always do that. I over analyse and then the paranoia sets in immediately after. I hate it but I know it is just what I do.
I had a
crap rubbish nights sleep on Sunday. So much to the point my Cat left me because she was irrtated with my tossing and turning. I admitted defeat at 6am and turned on my PC. When I saw my comments box, tweets and couple of emails I received, my heart felt that extra bit lighter and I just cried. They weren't crocodile tears, they were tears of utter gratitude.
Your comments, advice and tweets were the biggest comfort of all. I haven't met you, although I would love to, and I felt like you treated me as you had. It was a relief to know that some of you feel or have felt exactly the same way. I know it isn't nice to admit to that, but it is almost like when you are lost at sea (I havent ever been lost at sea lol!). It is just nice to know and feel that some people are sharing in the same boat with you.
The one thing learnt from all your kind words was what I have always known and I only have to read my blog subtext for the answer.
'Let the Sun illuminate the words you cannot find. For we are all Unwritten.'
Words speak powerful volumes. I have learnt from feeling like this that there is no point in trying to force something when I haven't finished the chapter fully yet. Otherwise your story is broken - I hope that's wasn't confusing sorry lol. I think this is something I will have to stick with and see through, whatever the outcome.
Today I still do not feel 100% and I cannot help but feel there are more tears to be shed but I do feel better and more optimistic. I would go into great detail but I think this is something I have to work out independently. I do not want this blog to be based on how low I feel right now, but I do encourage you that whenever you feel down I am here for you all. Always.
I mean this honestly and wholeheartedly: You guys really are my sunshine when times are grey. Thank you so much.