Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Sunshine.

Heya guys :)

After I pressed publish on my last post I could not help but feel that I was saying too much. I know this is a blog but I kind of felt that maybe I put myself out there too much. I typed that post in a moment of desperation to just let it spill out. I had already voiced it all to my Mum and some of my friends...but I just had to keep repeating it. In just the hope that the tears and wretched confusion would just dissapear. I always do that. I over analyse and then the paranoia sets in immediately after. I hate it but I know it is just what I do.

I had a crap rubbish nights sleep on Sunday. So much to the point my Cat left me because she was irrtated with my tossing and turning. I admitted defeat at 6am and turned on my PC. When I saw my comments box, tweets and couple of emails I received, my heart felt that extra bit lighter and I just cried. They weren't crocodile tears, they were tears of utter gratitude.

Your comments, advice and tweets were the biggest comfort of all. I haven't met you, although I would love to, and I felt like you treated me as you had. It was a relief to know that some of you feel or have felt exactly the same way. I know it isn't nice to admit to that, but it is almost like when you are lost at sea (I havent ever been lost at sea lol!). It is just nice to know and feel that some people are sharing in the same boat with you.

The one thing learnt from all your kind words was what I have always known and I only have to read my blog subtext for the answer.

'Let the Sun illuminate the words you cannot find. For we are all Unwritten.'

Words speak powerful volumes. I have learnt from feeling like this that there is no point in trying to force something when I haven't finished the chapter fully yet. Otherwise your story is broken - I hope that's wasn't confusing sorry lol. I think this is something I will have to stick with and see through, whatever the outcome.

Today I still do not feel 100% and I cannot help but feel there are more tears to be shed but I do feel better and more optimistic. I would go into great detail but I think this is something I have to work out independently. I do not want this blog to be based on how low I feel right now, but I do encourage you that whenever you feel down I am here for you all. Always.

I mean this honestly and wholeheartedly: You guys really are my sunshine when times are grey. Thank you so much.

7 comments:

Abigail Hutchinson said...

Hey girl! Just wanted to tell you to keep that chin up! Lets keep praying for Baby Stellan. It breaks my heart that they haven't fixed him yet...but they will! I am believing and trusting in God. As for the bf...get with him. talk about what's going on. figure out why things are down. are ya'll getting too comfy in the relationship...is it just too easy to slip into a groove where you forget to tell/show each other your love...are ya'll just sitting there watching tv instead of talking about your day...I just know that I try to be extra aware of this kind of stuff. I am 27 and divorced. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 20, and 5 years later, we weren't communicating anymore and he was cheating on me...this time around...I am dating a super great guy right now, I just try and make sure I am doing things right, I am voicing my opinion (not just giving in all the time like I did with my ex) I am making sure he is happy....
I don't know...maybe none of this can help how you feel right now. but I sure hope it does...I don't like to see you feeling so down! Hang in there girl!
hope you have a great Tuesday!
~Abigail

Samantha said...

Thanks for the comment! I can't wait to see your Stellan note! All the way across that ocean we love him too aye!?

Your last post really hit home to me. You put it so clearly. I haven't been able to put it into words how Stellan's illness is making me feel but powerless is such the right word. I think we must all be feeling like that. MckMama more than anyone else.

Thats what I hate most about growing up, the fact that meeting up with friends becomes almost a chore and has to be scheduled around other responsibilities. I wish I was 8 again. Life was so simple back then.

HUGS to you.
xx

Alex(andra) said...

Fireproof really is a great movie, and the book that goes along with it drastically helped my older sister's marriage, even though her husband's athiest. So yeah!!

I send more hugs... Just keep truckin' is all we can ever really do. There will always be happy times, and those times make all of these rough ones worth it. =)

Abigail Hutchinson said...

Hey girl! Thanks for the great comments! Yeah the wedding was a blast! Hope things start to look up for you real soon!
~A

Lauren said...

Thank you that's such a sweet offer. We actually get a website that comes with our books and an interactive CD also. I use the website and CD and take the quiz and tests and actually do pretty good on them but when I take the test in class I don't do nearly as well. I'm taking it a second time with a different professor so hopefully I do much better this next time around!

Colette said...

Becca please don’t feel like you can’t write about your feelings here because you don’t want to moan. I hate to think of you bottling things up. Your loving readers will always be there to listen when you are down.

P.S. We should totally play Magic Carpet sometime.

Librarian or Teacher said...

That's what we're here for! And for the record I would so like to meet you!

And look for that southern girl accent next week when I post my video. I'm still trying to figure out what to do it on. Just be prepared to hear a lot of the word "y'all" :)

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