Sunday, 12 October 2008

Dreams & Expectations.

We all have these expectations. Expectations of the way our lives are going to turn out. We have it all planned out in our minds. Even as children we have these ideas of what we want to be, what we want to do or what we want to accomplish. I had this dream I was going to be this amazing Ballerina and Princess. I was absolutely convinced I could do both at the same time. Live this life of selfishness and the fantastic thing about it was nobody told me I couldn't do it. My expectations were set. At some point something happened...

I grew up.

I decided to give up on the luxurious life of a Princess Ballerina dream. As idyllic as it sounds. It was not plausible. I made the choice to follow another pathway - a more realistic and charming dream. I focussed on that. I decided to get into the university of my dreams, to meet the guy of my dreams to eventually get the career of my dreams. It sounds more realistic but still unconvincing. We all have these dreams in the way we want our lives to turn out. It just doesn't become real until we try to live it.

Then in that moment one of your dreams becomes shattered...

It is in that moment when you suddenly realise that maybe your life wasnt going to turn out the way you thought life was going to turn out. That is because nobody dreams that they will be diagnosed with cancer at the age of 50, or dream that they will be fired from their job at the age of 27, to be divorced twice by the time they're 40 or dream that they end up lonely and depressed at 20. Yet, I have come to learn that everyone of us has some aspect of our life where we have to admit that life has not turned out the way we thought that life was going to turn out.

So what do we do when our dreams are shattered? What do we do with our unmet expectations? What do we do when your guardian angel or favourite person does not show up the way you thought they would show up when life feels broken? Seriously...what do we do when we have to turn to plan B?

We fight. We live. We love. We cry. We see through to the next day...and the next. Just the answer is never there. One of the things I do is try to believe that by following plan B you are making yourself a better person for it. I wanted to go straight into Midwifery. I was declined and my dream was shattered. I had to take plan B and do my nursing first. I wanted my last summer before university to be memorable. Shattered because I realised I could not manage financially on my income so I had to do 3 months full time work to make up the expsenses. It was not the summer I had imagined. I also try to realise that my life has not well and truly begun. I have read, seen and heard of how people cope with the shattered dreams of cancer, losing their unborn baby or knowing they can never be a mummy or daddy. From that you learn the value of luck, even if luck isn't on your side.

I feel that one of the most fantastic aspects of being a human being is that we try to be different but really we are just the same in how we want our lives to turn out. We all have this capacity in our minds and in our hearts to dream, imagine and desire the best picture for our lives. Somedays the sun will shine and others it will get rained on.

I am no preacher or no God. I will never ever or want to know all the answers to all life's dilemmas. I have just learnt that when your picture is tarnished to just be encouraged. To just be pushed through whatever your walking through or whatever your plan B is, just rest in knowing that it is not a suprise because it is what's to be expected. I think you will be impacted more than you ever dreamed of. I will never be that dreamy, egocentric and care-free Princess Ballerina that I insisted I was going to become. However, I will be something more than that. I will learn from life's lessons and not deter from the road I am travelling on because your not teaching yourself anything. It does not prevent your dreams from shattering or deviating down another avenue. It does make your expectations and pictures of your life more rewarding.

In the mix of it all settle in the glory of knowing that when your happy or sad your in charge of your destiny. There are no mistakes unless you learn from them. It will make your dreams come true...eventually.

Love, Becca xxx.

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