Saturday, 26 July 2008

A Year To Reflect.

I think there comes a time when everything falls into place, the things that never made sense before finally become clear. Where everything you worked hard for finally becomes a reality.


Summer is here - 6 weeks and 4 days of finally being me!

The past few weeks have been a massive eye opener for me. I've finally opened my eyes for long enough to see that everything I've been chasing this last year has led to this moment now.

Summer is here - I have not a clue why it is such an incredible feeling. It is a summer holiday. However, when for the last year you have people constantly assessing how good you can give injections, work out drug dosages, wipe people's arses, communicating with people you have never met and constantly hear the words of "NURSE, NURSE"! You can slightly become caught up in this bubble where literally everything comes before you. I never mean to be selfish but this summer means so much more than any other summer. I know that I will utilise it fully, selfishly and endlessly. It is my summer of sun, beaches, festivals, solar showers, live music and more importantly spending it drunkenly, stupidly and closely with the people who actually put me sometimes before them.

Now I'm the first to admit that when I fall, I fall hard. I let everything fall on top of me and literally it is the end of the world. I persevere in the hope of making somebody proud of me. In hindsight I think I always knew deep down that with these people they always were and will always be but there have been times where I can honestly say I have been completely ignorant, if cast them to one side during this year.

Don't get me wrong. I love my nursing training and I love the confidence and determination it has given me. Yet, it has come with the pitfalls of making (and shamely I admit it) that all I tend to care about is myself a lot of the time. How I feel? How I am so tired? How people broke up for summer in May and me July - how unfair huh? - that isn't me. On the other hand I have to realise I couldn't change these things. Im not going to fight. I've learnt that things don't have to be difficult all the time. Where does the enjoyment fit in? When I am probably training in one of the best careers.

Ironically, since summer started I have found to realise that I have had the best support during this year and I was completely ignorant at the time of when - to be frank - felt like shit. This was in the shape of my best friend.

For 7 years now I've known that I've been blessed with the most giving, genuine and hard working person. I love her to pieces. She gave me cards, meaningful hugs and told me that I could do it when I didn't want to tell anyone that I wanted to pack it in. She is proud of me. She always has, and I honestly believe she always will. Noone has ever made so much of an effort as a best friend for me, noone has ever said such heartfelt things to me and the wonderful thing about it is that I know she is there, she has always been always there. She has her hard times and points when she feels like she wants to give in. I want her to know that I am sorry I ignored her signals of pushing me when the going got tough. I felt like I shut you out. Thank you for saying well done when I passed.



Kathryn - your going to make an exellent teacher :)

There have been plenty of others who have made me feel like I can achieve this. 1 year down and 2 to go. I don't mean to be a wet blanket but it has to be said. I have the best people around me, the best boyfriend who takes me out of my "bubble" and the best bed to sleep in at night to move me onto the next day of people shouting my status of "NURSE". In a funny way - I love it. This nursing malarchy is like my love/hate realtionship at the moment. I just hope by the end of the 3 years it will be one of the best relationships I have.

Something changed these past few weeks, and I can't place a finger on why. I don't know what it was but I've finally learnt that not everything has to be a constant struggle, not everything needs to be over analysed and more importantly and ironically everything can be made fun and interesting if you make it.

Summer isnt the answer but it sure is the best feeling right now....

Summer 2008. It's here. Finally.

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